Campin Out!

COMING OUT

by Patty M.

Coming out. A process of becoming who we already are. To ourselves and others. Not all others. Or, maybe to everyone. See, that's the other gift. Choices open us for us. We can live out in the open -take risk and choose to deal with the variety of responses our lifestyles elicit. Or we can choose to see it as a special gift, sharing our preferences with only those special few.

I came out late. Actually, I thought I came out right on time, but some friends and acquaintances gasped when they heard I came out in my early 30's. "Aren't you kind of old?" one person quizzed. Now that's a hard one to answer objectively! I made a decision early on that I wasn't a lesbian ... I was a "les-beyond"... like when you come out after the age of 30 you start off ahead of the game.

So there I was at the NAMES PROJECT one Saturday working as a volunteer "Quilt Monitor." For anyone who has been off the planet for awhile, the quilt is a national effort to memorialize those PWA's who have lost their lives to AIDS. There are individual panels dedicated to specific people by their loved ones. It's beautiful, powerful, and incredibly important. A real "wake-up call" to shake off the denial & dehumanizing statistics and begin to see the situation for what it is ... irreplaceable men, women and children losing their tomorrows to a growing epidemic. It effects us all.

So there I was at the NAMES PROJECT... and I'm taking care of my little section of panels and the wellbeing of the folks who wander into it. I spot this interesting character working

the section next to mine. Ed (not his real name) is in his mid to late 60's. Ed's terrific. Smiling eyes, balding, white beard, and sporting a single ruby earring. Ed's wearing a bright red shirt that proclaims him to be the "Best Father in the World". "of course I am!" he assesses with no shame he tells you straightout that he bought the shirt himself!

AND he just came out. A recent widow, he was married to the same women for 43 years. He always knew he was gay, but there were only so many options when Ed was a young man, so he chose to go mainstream. He got married, fathered a child and kept his married vows. Just because that's who he is. For 43 years. He told the truth to himself and nobody else. That was his choice. He led his own life and became his own person. Like many of us, Ed believed that being gay was not about just who you sleep with. That is only one part. It's a lot about who he is when he's alone with Ed. He learned to celebrate himself as a man who loved men -albeit living a life that offered no freedom for expressing that love. He did get honest with his wife and daughter. After the death of his wife, he even got honest with the ladies in the trailer park who saw his widowhood as the opportunity to become the next Mrs. Ed. "I may have another relationship," he remembers saying, "but this one will be with a man!"

Today he is happy and free. You hear no remorse for "wasted years" just old choices and new choices. He twinkles when he describes a life lived out in the open. "When did you get that ear pierced?" I ask. "March," he replies. Four months ago? ALRIGHT, ED!!!!

I love him because he's a character and I'm attracted to colorful people. I love him because he reminded me that I'm not alone. (There are those who would have you believe they've been out since birth... if not earlier!)... okay... OKAY!... and I'm THRILLED THAT I'm not the oldest "newcomer" on the block!

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333. In the Kitchen with Auntie Ray

For some time I have been asked to come up with a recipe for latex compatible flavored personal lubricant. I think you might like this one. It's easy to make and make a wonderful gift for the ones you love.

1-16 oz. tube K-Y Jelly

4 tablespoons water 4-5 drops of hard candy flavoring

In a small bowl squeeze the K-

Y jelly, add the water and the flavoring and mix well. Put into a pump container to avoid contamination. Bon' Appetite.